Merry Christmas. I'm going to scream

Michael,
The problem is there’s no middle ground right now.

We’re being walked all over by the minority of pilots who take up the majority of frequency time, either by not listening or by disappearing thus resulting in 3-4 transmissions to an airplane that isn’t there, just so they can show up 20 minutes later and accuse you of forgetting about them.

I have no issue with people requesting time off the frequency. I control one of the largest populated airspaces on the planet - you usually have 650+ nm with me, I don’t need you there that whole time. But, if you’re flying a 45 minute flight to Chicago, I am expecting you at the very least to be there or to let me know you’re not. That’s it, full stop.

And I expect someone to be paying attention - I.E. I shouldn’t have to call them 5-6 times to get a response of “uhhhh… say again” or indignant requests for a lower altitude when you’d given them 4 descent clearances without a response.

Of course, don’t leave, just consider if you can identify any of these behaviors in what you’ve been doing, just try to fix it. I’m not screaming at pilots and telling them to delete their CID, I’m always gentle with the coaching, and happy to explain the reasons for it, but I’m completely fed up with people not paying attention or not listening or not communicating why they can’t answer, because it’s such a fundamental issue.

How can I fix, how can I coach, how can I do anything if I can never reach the pilot? We don’t need your undivided attention, but we at least need a reasonable enough amount that a 2 hour session stops feeling like 6 hours of incredulity.

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I fly on the network, I miss calls all the time. I don’t miss 4-5 calls in a row, and if I’m taking off for more than 2-3 minutes outside the range of my speakers or headset if I have the audio piped through there, and I’m reasonably sure I might get a transmission, I tell them.

It’s that simple. I’ve never missed 4-5 calls, I’ve never been walloped for it, and I don’t think that’s ever frustrated a controller (at least it’s never been communicated to me that it has).

How would that help in any way? Controllers don’t see the unicom chat and other aircraft who may have seen your message on unicom will have no clue that ATC is trying to get in contact with you.

There is: the CoC clearly states that you may leave your connection unattended for up to 30 minutes of a time (at least as long as it’s reasonable to assume that that won’t cause inconvenience to other traffic in the area) but with the caveat that you need to be able to immediately return if a controller sends you a contact me - if you’re just in the next room, setting your speakers to max volume should alert you when you get a contact me and you can return and call ATC within one or two minutes, e.g. But even if you need to step away for longer or are going to do something that you can’t leave at a moment’s notice, disconnecting before you go AFK is also a solution. In that regard:

No, it wouldn’t. Simply disconnect and when you come back check if there’s a controller online. If there isn’t, great - once you made sure there’s no traffic very close to your position, you just log on again and continue. If there is, also great - log on as an observer, call them with your position and that you’d like to reconnect your flight there. If that works for the controller (usually it will), log on normally and continue.

Unresponsive planes are inherently unpredictable and you’d need to treat them like a com failure would be treated IRL, which is a lot of workload because ATC has to clear a wide area around the aircraft. And why should controllers have to inconvenience other traffic simply because someone left their connection unattended without disconnecting or being able to return immediately upon receiving a contact me (thus breaking the standing rules of the network)?
And, in the same vein as Torben’s question: why do you need to be on the network when you fly? If you can’t interact with controllers at some point during your flight, your experience would have been the same had you been flying offline (and ATC’s/other pilots’ experience would have differed in that you would not have caused additional workload by being unresponsive).

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Forgetting what the CoC says, because honestly it’s getting to be a little ridiculous in it’s length and complexity, stepping away to do chores makes no sense to me. It sounds like you need to either better plan your simming time to avoid the interruptions, or disconnect when you can’t commit to being at your computer.

Obviously, I thought that controllers would have access to Unicom given that it is the way planes communicate when there is no controller online.

But that is the point. If I have to disconnect everytime my kids needs my attention or I need to attend to something I started (like doing the laundry, which demands my attention for 10-15 minutes every hour), it will be a lot of disconnecting. Then I might as well not connect at all, which has become my practice more and more.

My comment was under the assumption that Torben was arguing that there should be no time where you can leave the computer, while you are online.
But I do think that VATSIM should tighten up the expression so that it is either 30 minutes you can leave the computer unattended, period, or that you cannot. The “you can leave your computer, but you need to be able to respond” can be viewed really ambiguous. To me it really say: “You can leave your computer online for up to 30 minutes, as long as you haven’t left it enough that you cannot monitor it” which to me essentially means: “You cannot really leave your computer online”.

Which is, what I said, I have begun to do. Simply just not log on in the first place. Especially if there are controllers online at my starting airport. Because I am unsure whether I can devote enough time to stay at the computer for the time required even there.

I think you misunderstood me then. If I am in a position where I know I cannot be present at the computer or near enough that I can hear when I am contacted, I simply don’t log on. That is not my edge case here.
My edge case is when I fly at the evening after my kids has been put to bed. Then there can be a lot of cases where I need to leave the computer for some time to attend to their needs. Similarly, I tend to fly online when I do the laundry, because it is a lot of time where I can sit at the computer (around an hour) only interrupted by around 15 minutes where I leave the computer. But here I am so far away that I cannot hear if anything happens.
Then there are the occasions where I simply forget to log off, when I pick up my daughter from school. Those have fortunately only happened a couple of times.

The ways we do our flightsimming obviously differs, which is natural, as we are at different places in space and life situation. Luckily I’m able to plan my time, so when I sit at the computer to fly, it is rare that I’m being interupted by anything. But interuption is one thing, planning to do chores while simming - imagine if I as controller did that. I guess my days as controller would end very soon. Logging on on at network like VATSIM comes with an obligation and with respect of the other people using the network. Planning to do other things while being on VATSIM is not very respectful in regards of fellow pilots and atc. Things do happen in real life, which means that picking up the phone, getting a cup of coffee etc. is by all means ok, even if that takes you awy from the computer for a short while. But I wouldn’t log on in the first place, if I knew my chores would make it impossible for me to keep a watch on my computer.
But I don’t think we’ll be able to agree on this.

Heaven hopes that pilot clients will never have a dead man function! That is auto disconnects unless the pilot presses every 30min ( or other time period). May make ATCOs happy but would dramatically reduce the pilots online.

CoC A9:
Except as provided for in Section B3(b) of this Code of Conduct, account holders shall not leave their connections unattended. Account holders not actively participating in the network (ie connected as an observer) shall not log on for excessive periods of time.

As a pilot (admittedly VFR) I cannot see why anyone would want to leave the cockpit for any more than 2 minutes! Even in that time my aircraft would have entered a “spiral dive” and hit the deck!
There again most of my flights are around the 45 minutes to 1 hour 20 minutes in length, and as the endurance RW of the aircraft I fly is 2 hours 43 minutes this probably also mirrors reality. When I do get any ATC it is really good, and I do appreciate it, so please be assured that at least some of us do appreciate the service provided!